dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
