You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
