he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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