no, he came in my armpit
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
