evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies