Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
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I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.