i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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