Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.

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(619): View more from California

He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex

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(815): View more from Illinois

I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.

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(716): View more from New York

It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged

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(917): View more from New York City

I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror

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