When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.