Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.

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(816): View more from Missouri

I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up

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(704): View more from North Carolina

My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract

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21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Read it at the TFLN blog
(914): View more from New York

I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.

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(913): View more from Kansas

I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.

(785): View more from Kansas

When were you at my house?

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(207): View more from Maine

you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit

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(919): View more from North Carolina

im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays

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(989): View more from Michigan

Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.

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