And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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