i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
