It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
