soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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