How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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