we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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