The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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