Me too!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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