What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
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Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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