i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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