I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
