I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i think i just lost a toe
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
