I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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