So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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