Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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