I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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