Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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