Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
