I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
