I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My room smells like vodka and shame
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
