Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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