what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
how drunk are you?
Several
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
