Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
