my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
