I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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