dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
