dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
