update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
