grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
