Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
