Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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