i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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