I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
