there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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