I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
