Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize