I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
