dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
