I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
