I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
