he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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