wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
