Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
