Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
