sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Are we still banned from the library?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
