Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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