You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
