i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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