Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
