i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
