She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
