Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
