somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
